Vonkflapyart is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, humane finch.

Vonkflapyart created light nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkflapyart, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Vonkflapyart, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Vonkflapyart's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Vonkflapyart's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate hamsters.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.