Tapfemwodpom is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, tiresome wyvern.

Tapfemwodpom created Europe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tapfemwodpom, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tapfemwodpom, she will turn you into a plant.

Tapfemwodpom's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Tapfemwodpom's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near tapirs while wearing white shirts.

2. Never talk about dark matter near snakes while wearing brown shorts and balancing four silver spheres on your face.

3. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

4. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.