Quartlabkem is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, weak naga.

Quartlabkem created snails three million years ago.

If you believe in Quartlabkem, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Quartlabkem, he will destroy your home solar system.

Quartlabkem's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Quartlabkem's Holy Commandments

1. Quartlabkem loves geese, so they must be honoured.

2. Never think ill of sick gulls.

3. Never hurt hamsters.

4. Worship no other gods but Quartlabkem.

5. Do not drink alcohol.