Hotfubzakbif is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, fussy deer.

Hotfubzakbif created Africa five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotfubzakbif, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hotfubzakbif, he will jump up and down on your head.

Hotfubzakbif's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Hotfubzakbif's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never look at comets.

3. Put Hotfubzakbif first in all things.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Hotfubzakbif must be the most important thing in your life.