Nuttvig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, generous elephant.

Nuttvig created water six million years ago.

If you believe in Nuttvig, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Nuttvig, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Nuttvig's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Nuttvig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never write about bacteria.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never talk about solid mechanics near snakes while wearing red boots.