Lenstafcam is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, compassionate hydra.

Lenstafcam created the Andromeda Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lenstafcam, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Lenstafcam, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Lenstafcam's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Lenstafcam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never feed spinach to badgers while wearing pink tights.

5. Never talk about fire.