Ranwaptim is a god.

She takes the form of a small, unthinking newt.

Ranwaptim created a down quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Ranwaptim, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Ranwaptim, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Ranwaptim's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Ranwaptim's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Hide if three bats approach from the east.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ranwaptim.