Nelquamtonkvankoprapwod is a god.

It takes the form of a small, unselfish eagle.

Nelquamtonkvankoprapwod created viruses two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nelquamtonkvankoprapwod, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Nelquamtonkvankoprapwod, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Nelquamtonkvankoprapwod's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Nelquamtonkvankoprapwod's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into magenta rooms.

2. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never wear hats.

4. Never feed lentils to mites while wearing green corsets.

5. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Nelquamtonkvankoprapwod in the centre of the settlement.