Fadsassakmip is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, self-assured lobster.

Fadsassakmip created Europe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Fadsassakmip, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Fadsassakmip, she will strike you with lightening.

Fadsassakmip's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Fadsassakmip's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if eight dogs approach from the north.

2. Hide if three ants approach from the west.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Fadsassakmip.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Always make sure there are no horses in a room before entering it.