Tomwapjenlannuttlab is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, grumpy dragon.

Tomwapjenlannuttlab created Europe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomwapjenlannuttlab, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tomwapjenlannuttlab, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tomwapjenlannuttlab's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Tomwapjenlannuttlab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about limes.

2. Never feed lots of apples to cats while wearing green shoes.

3. Never feed onions to doves while wearing pink coats.

4. Mice are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not keep three swans in a large pit.