Cimcarjab is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, confident bird.

Cimcarjab created the world three billion years ago.

If you believe in Cimcarjab, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Cimcarjab, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Cimcarjab's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Cimcarjab's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear dresses.

2. Cimcarjab loves horses, so they must be honoured.

3. Nematodes are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not cook food in pots.