Taldobxuc Mat Citmifwad is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, witless seal.

Taldobxuc Mat Citmifwad created the universe eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Taldobxuc Mat Citmifwad, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Taldobxuc Mat Citmifwad, she will destroy your home solar system.

Taldobxuc Mat Citmifwad's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Taldobxuc Mat Citmifwad's Holy Commandments

1. Taldobxuc Mat Citmifwad loves ants, so they must be honoured.

2. Hide if four dogs approach from the north.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never write about ultrasonics.

5. Never write about photosynthesis.