Futbonkdum is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, benevolent hamster.

Futbonkdum created the Tadpole Galaxy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Futbonkdum, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Futbonkdum, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Futbonkdum's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Futbonkdum's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never think about fluid mechanics.

3. Never hop in the presence of bats.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not shave your hands.