Damortpin is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, tiresome squid.

Damortpin created the Sun three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Damortpin, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Damortpin, it will turn you into a tree.

Damortpin's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Damortpin's Holy Commandments

1. Damortpin must be the most important thing in your life.

2. You must pray to Damortpin four times a day.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never paint your legs turquoise.

5. Do not listen to music.