Jatgepten Febwityak Fitrullnak is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, cheerful hyena.

Jatgepten Febwityak Fitrullnak created a bottom quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jatgepten Febwityak Fitrullnak, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Jatgepten Febwityak Fitrullnak, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Jatgepten Febwityak Fitrullnak's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Jatgepten Febwityak Fitrullnak's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Jatgepten Febwityak Fitrullnak.

2. Never talk about comets.

3. Never talk about badgers.

4. Always make sure there are no birds in a room before entering it.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.