Titqueegxemnul is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, happy bird.

Titqueegxemnul created a photon two billion years ago.

If you believe in Titqueegxemnul, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Titqueegxemnul, it will ignore you.

Titqueegxemnul's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Titqueegxemnul's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Do not eat pineapples.

3. Run away from turquoise whales, for they are unholy.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Run away if seven great tits approach from the north.