Tigarpvon is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, caring cow.

Tigarpvon created silver seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tigarpvon, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tigarpvon, he will turn you into a tree.

Tigarpvon's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Tigarpvon's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Tigarpvon on top of all buildings.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Feed all hungry turtles.

5. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.