Vogponmid is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, fussy shark.

Vogponmid created the Sun three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vogponmid, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vogponmid, she will turn you into a sheep.

Vogponmid's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Vogponmid's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Vogponmid.

2. Always help seals.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near swans while wearing gray kilts and balancing three aluminium spheres on your hands.

4. Vogponmid loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.

5. Always make sure there are no voles in a room before entering it.