Begvag is a god.

He takes the form of a small, caring scorpion.

Begvag created humanity eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Begvag, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Begvag, he will boil you in a big pot.

Begvag's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Begvag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear titanium on your body.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not take Begvag's name in vain.

4. Begvag must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never feed lots of lemons to swans while wearing fawn shorts.