Kamwotquagben is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, emotional dragon.

Kamwotquagben created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kamwotquagben, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Kamwotquagben, he will turn you into a rock.

Kamwotquagben's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Kamwotquagben's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear scarves.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near rats while wearing turquoise ear rings.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Kamwotquagben.

5. Always take life seriously.