Parknanbid is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, unjust bear.

Parknanbid created Europe three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Parknanbid, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Parknanbid, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Parknanbid's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Parknanbid's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.