Carfitdimlaprapcedfarpod is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, blissful tortoise.

Carfitdimlaprapcedfarpod created the Whirlpool Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Carfitdimlaprapcedfarpod, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Carfitdimlaprapcedfarpod, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Carfitdimlaprapcedfarpod's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Carfitdimlaprapcedfarpod's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of coconuts to aardvarks while wearing pink rings.

2. Always look after injured sharks.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Retreat if four great tits approach from the north.

5. Never look at black holes.