Barnjonlist is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, staggering salamander.

Barnjonlist created time and space two years ago.

If you believe in Barnjonlist, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Barnjonlist, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Barnjonlist's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Barnjonlist's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Barnjonlist's priests.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

5. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.