Fonranbonk is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, calm crab.

Fonranbonk created the solar system seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Fonranbonk, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fonranbonk, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Fonranbonk's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Fonranbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

4. Never wear pink jumpers.

5. Do not covet oxen.