Hittapven Haktailbig is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, almighty goose.

Hittapven Haktailbig created bats eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hittapven Haktailbig, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hittapven Haktailbig, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Hittapven Haktailbig's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Hittapven Haktailbig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Hittapven Haktailbig in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never think about fluid mechanics near great tits while wearing cyan coats and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your head.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics near snakes while wearing mauve skirts and balancing five silver spheres on your feet.

5. Never feed lots of gooseberries to aardvarks while wearing gray hats.