Gedgudbetzan is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, stupid snail.

Gedgudbetzan created the planet Earth three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gedgudbetzan, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gedgudbetzan, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Gedgudbetzan's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Gedgudbetzan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Gedgudbetzan.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Always help horses.