Fidarmquaf Jinmotgub is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, fussy fairy.

Fidarmquaf Jinmotgub created the Milkyway seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fidarmquaf Jinmotgub, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fidarmquaf Jinmotgub, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Fidarmquaf Jinmotgub's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Fidarmquaf Jinmotgub's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about planets.

2. Feed all hungry foxes.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Always help sick great tits.

5. You must never eat cherries.