Bassxembast is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, clever gnu.

Bassxembast created the cosmos three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bassxembast, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bassxembast, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bassxembast's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Bassxembast's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Always obey Bassxembast's priests.

4. You must never eat spinach.

5. Never talk about spacetime near badgers while wearing orange shorts and balancing seven nickel spheres on your back.