Hashivlop is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, dishonourable squid.

Hashivlop created carbon two billion years ago.

If you believe in Hashivlop, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hashivlop, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Hashivlop's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Hashivlop's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat gooseberries.

2. Never think about solid mechanics near monkeys while wearing yellow jumpers and balancing six nickel spheres on your back.

3. Never mention great tits.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not speak about rice.