Fonyatfig is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, dishonourable hippopotamus.

Fonyatfig created the planet Jupiter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fonyatfig, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fonyatfig, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Fonyatfig's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Fonyatfig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy near monkeys while wearing violet trousers.

2. Never leap near otters.

3. Never write about enzymes.

4. Always help sick pigs.

5. Always treat doves with great respect.