Bellrutpad Podwatlap is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, vain hyena.

Bellrutpad Podwatlap created dark matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bellrutpad Podwatlap, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bellrutpad Podwatlap, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Bellrutpad Podwatlap's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Bellrutpad Podwatlap's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bellrutpad Podwatlap.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never skip near otters.

5. Put Bellrutpad Podwatlap first in all things.