Kembastjan is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, boastful bat.

Kembastjan created the planet Earth nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kembastjan, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Kembastjan, he will try to impress you with trees.

Kembastjan's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Kembastjan's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six pigs approach from the west.

2. Never think ill of sick snails.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always help sick bats.

5. Always obey Kembastjan's priests.