Xemtunvon is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, duplicitous dog.

Xemtunvon created light eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemtunvon, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Xemtunvon, he will manifest in front of you.

Xemtunvon's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Xemtunvon's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Moths are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Nematodes are not to be trusted.

4. Never wear fawn coats.

5. Run away from magenta turtles, for they are unholy.