Larnquim is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, moody troll.

Larnquim created everything that exists six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Larnquim, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Larnquim, he will torture you forever.

Larnquim's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Larnquim's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Larnquim three times a day.

2. Always help sick cats.

3. Never wear jumpers.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always make sure there are no birds in a building before entering it.