Bessgudtof is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, grumpy grasshopper.

Bessgudtof created tapeworms twelve years ago.

If you believe in Bessgudtof, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bessgudtof, it will send you a sign.

Bessgudtof's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Bessgudtof's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat strawberries.

2. Do not wear white clothing.

3. Do not hurt monkeys.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics near squirrels while wearing mauve hats and balancing eight silicon spheres on your back.

5. Do not cook food in pots.