Zogpakpark is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, awesome dryad.

Zogpakpark created dark energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Zogpakpark, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Zogpakpark, she will turn you into a mouse.

Zogpakpark's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Zogpakpark's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Always treat sharks with great respect.

3. Always help ducks in need.

4. Retreat if six geese approach from the east.

5. Always take life seriously.