Pagtofzag is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, deceitful cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Pagtofzag created humankind seven million years ago.

If you believe in Pagtofzag, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Pagtofzag, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Pagtofzag's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Pagtofzag's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never talk about dark energy.

3. Never feed gooseberries to sharks while wearing violet shoes.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never go into yellow rooms.