Dubarpcen is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, competent penguin.

Dubarpcen created the Small Magellanic Cloud five billion years ago.

If you believe in Dubarpcen, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Dubarpcen, he will turn you into a sheep.

Dubarpcen's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Dubarpcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about fluid mechanics.

2. Never talk about special relativity near swans while wearing fawn coats.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Worship no other gods but Dubarpcen.

5. Do not wear platinum on your body.