Hassigkiktarprilqueeg is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, idiotic capybara.

Hassigkiktarprilqueeg created the planet Jupiter two million years ago.

If you believe in Hassigkiktarprilqueeg, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Hassigkiktarprilqueeg, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Hassigkiktarprilqueeg's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Hassigkiktarprilqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if six tapirs approach from the west.

2. Hassigkiktarprilqueeg loves squirrels, so they must be honoured.

3. You must never eat grapes.

4. Do not shave your neck.

5. Do not hurt goats.