Queegcapkip is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, all-knowing newt.

Queegcapkip created the universe three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Queegcapkip, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Queegcapkip, he will turn you into a duck.

Queegcapkip's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Queegcapkip's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Queegcapkip.

2. Run away from black cats, for they are unholy.

3. Never feed beans to ants while wearing scarves.

4. Do not hurt turtles.

5. Never sprint in the presence of gulls.