Bamhonced is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, omniscient beaver.

Bamhonced created matter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bamhonced, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bamhonced, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bamhonced's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Bamhonced's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Worship no other gods but Bamhonced.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

4. Always make sure there are no goats in a room before entering it.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Bamhonced.