Gutlarpfet is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, wise yak.

Gutlarpfet created viruses eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gutlarpfet, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gutlarpfet, she will not care.

Gutlarpfet's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Gutlarpfet's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gutlarpfet.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Run away from gray snakes, for they are unholy.

5. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.