Wikbontetti is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, duplicitous giraffe.

Wikbontetti created the planet Saturn eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wikbontetti, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Wikbontetti, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Wikbontetti's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Wikbontetti's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Run away if eight bats approach from the west.

3. Never talk about amino acids.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never talk about fire.