Bagpansin Bummilcunlop Quagtifwigpodveen is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, irritating lion.

Bagpansin Bummilcunlop Quagtifwigpodveen created snails four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bagpansin Bummilcunlop Quagtifwigpodveen, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bagpansin Bummilcunlop Quagtifwigpodveen, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Bagpansin Bummilcunlop Quagtifwigpodveen's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Bagpansin Bummilcunlop Quagtifwigpodveen's Holy Commandments

1. Always help whales in need.

2. Never think about thermodynamics near bats while wearing yellow coats and balancing six silicon spheres on your feet.

3. Do not hurt badgers.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Erect a giant red sculpture of Bagpansin Bummilcunlop Quagtifwigpodveen in the centre of the settlement.