Jipnabxuchubbarnbotflatveg is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, temperamental raccoon.

Jipnabxuchubbarnbotflatveg created the planet Mars nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jipnabxuchubbarnbotflatveg, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jipnabxuchubbarnbotflatveg, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Jipnabxuchubbarnbotflatveg's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Jipnabxuchubbarnbotflatveg's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mites.

2. Never think about stars.

3. Never feed lots of peas to squirrels while wearing black hats.

4. Never hop in the presence of eagles.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.