Hogmumaf is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, thoughtless raccoon.

Hogmumaf created the Black Eye Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogmumaf, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Hogmumaf, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Hogmumaf's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Hogmumaf's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never talk about thermodynamics near whales while wearing brown coats and balancing four lead spheres on your back.

3. Never paint your hands gray.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not speak about spinach.