Cemcanquam Nelpanril is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, grumpy lion.

Cemcanquam Nelpanril created humankind seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cemcanquam Nelpanril, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Cemcanquam Nelpanril, he will curse you with boils.

Cemcanquam Nelpanril's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Cemcanquam Nelpanril's Holy Commandments

1. Pigs are not to be trusted.

2. Never feed gooseberries to otters while wearing ear rings.

3. Do not speak about wheat.

4. Always look after injured gulls.

5. Do not wear nickel on your body.