Latzanbit Sag is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, omniscient seal.

Latzanbit Sag created carbon six million years ago.

If you believe in Latzanbit Sag, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Latzanbit Sag, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Latzanbit Sag's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Latzanbit Sag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not laugh in public.

2. Never look at comets.

3. Always make sure there are no mites in a building before entering it.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never feed grapes to birds while wearing skirts.