Quamvinbag is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, awe-inspiring mink.

Quamvinbag created humankind five billion years ago.

If you believe in Quamvinbag, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quamvinbag, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Quamvinbag's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Quamvinbag's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Quamvinbag's priests.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.

3. Never think about quantum field theory.

4. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a room before entering it.

5. Never feed figs to goats while wearing jumpers.