Gonveenjab is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, sage wren.

Gonveenjab created the Milkyway nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gonveenjab, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Gonveenjab, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gonveenjab's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Gonveenjab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never sprint in the presence of tortoises.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Gonveenjab in the centre of the settlement.